CAN I LOOK???

I doubt you're surprised to learn I've been going in circles, right?  You're probably a 'well-composed' person...while I tend to be somewhat scatterbrained...like the Scarecrow in Wizard of Oz.  He wanted a brain; oh sure I have one but it needs work.  At long last (much too long, I might add) a stark realization hit me...head on.  That, my friends, is greatly affecting my life.

Lewis Carroll wrote in Alice in Wonderland “Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.”  

 

Great puzzle indeed, that's been my condition...one mess of a puzzlement.  Rather than trying to fool myself as to what I want or think I should be...I'm taking a hard look inside to see who I truly am...WHO AM I?

As a reader of this blog, I imagine you're acquainted with the relationship between M and me, right?  Each and every morning he reads to me...devotionals, reading through 'The Message' version of the Bible, plus some other blogs and books.  Our mornings are our special times...our favorite and cherished times. 

Do we talk?  You betcha'...we talk, and talk...and talk.  I'm reminded of what my mother used to say, "Vasca, what in the world do you and Michael find to talk about?"  And I'm smiling 'cause we're never at a loss for words with each other.  Early on, we argued a bit...sometimes more than a bit...fumed and fussed but those days seem to have disappeared.  Thank You, God.

After many debates with myself I decided to reveal the 'real me' to M.  In my heart I knew he wouldn't condemn or put a guilt trip on me...why did I know that?  Because, he's very gentle, loving...and sure 'nuff, he came through like the shepherd he truly is...aah, again...Thank You, God.

Here's a question for you...do you relish the thought of looking inside yourself...at the real you???  Not how you hope or think others see you, but how you really, truly are??? 

Hey, it's a scary thing...it's a 'blow me away' thing...quite frankly, I despised what I saw in me!!!

So there!  I've learned it takes a ton of grit to look inside, 'true grit' if you will...and once I saw the real Vasca?  There's no going back...the only way out is not simply a new arrangement, it must be a changed me.

 

I like thinking that God inspires me w/ideas to share...I've not been talking so much to Him lately which is most unhealthy, but the drought is broken. 

In future posts I plan to write more about looking inside oneself.  That's a good thing...dangerous to the ego?  Well,  Mother Teresa said 'transparency make one vulnerable...be transparent anyway'...so, that's me...vulnerably transparent. 

 

Okay, God knows me,
He knows everything about me...while I've known so little! 

I think He might be saying to me:

'My child, if I could give you one thing in life,

I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. 

Only then would you realize how special you are to me.'

 

God loves me, the real me...not some convoluted person I've had on display.  I wonder is He shakes His head in dismay when I put Him on the shelf...when I fail so miserably to be what He wants...what I know in my heart that I should and can be.
 

I see myself differently this week...just this week.  Oh God...why has it taken me such a long, long time? 

 

Father, I thank you for clearing my heart, my vision...incidentally He's light years ahead of Windex.

 

From my heart...to yours!

Vasca