QUIETLY FILLED...AND THEN?

 

We are cups,

constantly and quietly being filled. 

The *trick is,

knowing how to tip ourselves over

and let the beautiful stuff out. 

~Ray Bradbury

I like the above quote...*except I'm substituting challenge for trick!  God is my reason for this blog, the posts (truth is, He's the biggest part of my life) and He doesn't do 'tricks'...thus my word change...to challenge. 

I feel M and I are cups constantly being filled.  We had so long prayed to be Spirit-led, to be used and He answered in some most unusual ways...unusual to us, at least. 

This morning I remarked to M that if anyone had ever told me I'd live in five foreign countries?  Live and work in China?  I'd have pulled a 'Sarah' and laughed...and laughed...but hey, God works wonders, right?  Right.

 

We've had wonderful years of being quietly filled...and filled...Spirit filled.  And then...time to recognize and take up the challenge; oh wow, what a challenge!.

 

We learned the hard way how to let the beautiful stuff out; one beautiful April three years ago Michael was handed a slip of paper with one word written on it.  The doctor said, "This is what you have...go home and read about in on the Internet."  Amyloidosis was the word.

 

Ka-pow...our world changed w/a word few had ever heard; a few physicians are up on it...very few...it's incurable, rare and deadly!  Fill in the blanks about what happened next.  I lost it but only for a day...then regained my composure and we were off on a perilous journey. 

Main thing was to learn all we could about 'Amy' (as we call the condition) and make adjustments...find informed doctors...where to even begin??? Prognosis for Amy is...well, it's unsettling...months...only months!

 

I searched the Internet about it...not much there but we were 'delivered' to some wonderful specialists at Baylor/Dallas at the Sammons Cancer Center.  Amyloidosis isn't cancer (it's worse); there are few places that specialize in that specific condition.

 

Long story short, M was blest to have a rare form of a rare disease!  His doctors look at him, smile and say "You're one of the lucky ones."  We remind them it's not luck, it's a God work...oh yes!

 

Yesterday I did something I hadn't done in more than a year...I clicked on an Amyloidosis website and read stories posted by/about people with Amy.  There were 285 stories. Some were written by patients, but many were written by the patient's family members...because so many had died since being diagnosed. 

Looking at the dates of the diagnosis and the dates of the postings said reams...some died just days or weeks after they were finally given 'the word'...diagnosis is extremely difficult. Their survivors were reaching out to help/inform others afflicted with such an insidious condition.  

 

The first few months after Michael's diagnosis I read similar stories and tried contacting some of the people who had written about their experiences w/Amy.  I gave up after awhile because most had died and I ended up talking to a widower or widow...difficult for them and for me....the more I learned the more my heart hurt...the more my eyes welled with tears. 

I look at my love, my Michael and yes, my heart hurts. 

 

M has been watching 'Lonesome Dove' re-runs the last few nights...oh my, I have that series memorized and it always hurts my heart.  I was at my favorite place (computer, of course) but I could hear Augustus and Woodrow talking, arguing, heard Gus as he was injured...then as he lay dying.  And I cried and cried...broke my heart.  All I could hear were the words...just the words.  I heard Laurie darlin' weep over Gus...Call burying his longtime friend and talking to him; broke my heart...those thoughts, those words!    
 

What's this all about, my heart hurting?  Well, if you've known me for awhile, you know Michael and I have spent many moons apart from each other...due to his career.  We made the military career decision together in total agreement (we try to always do so)...knowing what it meant for us. 

War-time, peace-time...seems we were destined to spend much time apart.  Difficult?  Yes, but God had a plan for us; we believe that and He was 'developing us'...He quietly continued filling our cup.

 

My heart hurt sooo much, so long...we were apart too many years...oh my!  So long.  M wrote me every day he was away; I did the same for him...that was the bridge connecting our lives; the lives of our four sons! 

Shortly before he returned from Viet Nam, M's mother told me she thought the song, "My Cup Runs Over With Love" was surely 24/7 on my heart...oh yes, it was!  God continued quietly filling my cup...as He always has.

 

The challenge from all this was and remains...how to let it flow in difficult times...always challenging...always adjusting. 

The wonder of it...His beautiful living water is what we're tipping over and letting flow!  Flow wherever, whenever it's needed...as He fills other's cups.  It helps the heartache...and you know, He really, really knows my heart. 

I love you so and I thank you, Father...oh how I thank you!  

 

From my heart...to yours,

Vasca