Here I am in this new year 2019....two weeks of it actually. Seems to me this year is already in what Star Trek called 'warp speed'. And it isn't just me that thinks so, even young people say it's so.
I've taken a good look at the past....specifically the past 27 years. It's been most interesting...add to that much fretting, sorrow, tears...a gamut of emotions that I've survived w/my sanity intact. Thanks to a wonderful God who watches over me.
The snow scene above reminds me of the winters we spent in Johnsburg, Wisconsin. We moved to what is lovingly termed 'the Holy land'. When Michael and I began home shopping we stumbled onto Johnsburg. Not much there but a huge Catholic cathedral, a tavern and a few homes. It was a German settlement established in the late 1800's. Land was cheap and many Germans settled there, bringing their own priest's w/them from their homeland. They settled, they farmed the land.
One evening we took a break from our search and entered the town tavern...the parking lot was full as was the tavern. We finally located a couple of seats and remarked to the waitress this must be a very popular place w/all these tourists. Oh no, she laughingly replied. These people all live in this area. What? We found it to be true...we ate in that beehive many times a month...and it was always overflowing w/neighbors. The home we bought was built in 1890's and built to last almost forever.
We planned to live there just a few years, ended up living there seven years among some wonderful people...we remain good friends. We were sort of oddballs...our place was like a zoo...who would ever move from Oklahoma to Wisconsin? They said it was really the opposite...people left Wisconsin for warmer climates.
Moving was in our genes so we left Wisconsin for Poolville, Texas (near Weatherford) and lived w/one of our sons on his ranch until 2002 when we stored our worldly possessions and took jobs in China teaching conversational English in a college. We signed on for a year but worked until the end of 2004. It was a life changing experience. While there, M urged me to write a weekly journal for our friends and family back hone...I agreed amd thus I discovered my 'writing career' and I love it. Of course I hope you also like it.
Back to Weatherford where we bought a sweet, little cottage. Slowly things began to change. Michael discovered a strange growth at the back of his throat; had it checked out and a specimen was taken just to be safe. It was Amyloidosis which is deadly and there is no cure. To say we were shaken is an understatement...we were momentarily petrified. Fortunately we located some physicians who had experience in the field and they took M under their wings. After some months he was pronounced 'lucky' that his was limited to his throat and was content to stay put and not spread. It wasn't luck, it was God's doing. Such a blessing. Faith...took lots of faith and prayer. I was maturing.
Ha, little did we know what was waiting impatiently in the wings. M began having memory problems and hallucination's. My sweetheart has Parkinson's Disease. His father was diagnosed w/it early in life while M wasn't diagnosed until his 80's...we counted that a blessing.
For several years M had tried talking to me about selling our home and going into Senior Living places but I put him off. He always told me we shouldn't wait until we had an emergency to make changes but I disliked the subject and ignored it, to his disappointment. My bad? Yes, it really was but I was adamant about it. That is until December 2015.
I fell and injured my right arm...no break but terribly bruised. It turned black so I couldn't disguise it and the kids had a fit. Of course, they took me to the doctor who sent me to a 24 hour ER clinic...I had many blood clots. They called flight care and arranged for me to be taken to Harris in Fort Worth. Amazingly, while in the clinic I went to the rest room, fell and broke the black arm. Lots of excitement and a week in the hospital; two weeks in Rehab while the family was a swarm of busy bees.
They investigated and found us a villa in a senior living place...moved all our stuff into it and cleared our home in Weatherford. When they took me there from Rehab I walked into a totally decorated home..all I had to do was rest. M and I lived there two years while Michael went downhill more quickly that we expected. He went through lots of therapy which didn't seem to make any difference; he didn't take to it at all. His appetite went south along w/his disposition; at times it was like he and I were deadly enemies...nothing pleased him and I was going crazy....totally distraught.
Our sons had told me since they couldn't accurately gauge how M was doing they would rely on me to let them know when we needed to make changes. The breaking point came the last of January 2018 and the action was mind boggling. Michael moved into Memory Care 1 February 2018 and I moved next door to his building eleven days later. Again, the family did everything to the nth degree. M has a nice place as do I...everything we could possibly need or want. Mission complete.
This past year has been rough in many regards; however, his health is holding well and he seems to gradually adjust...who really knows since we cannot read his mind. How complicated the mind of a human is...only God understands it.
I look back on these experiences marking just 27 years of my life and marvel at the events, changes, emotions...and I am amazed.
The Michael I knew is another Michael these days. The easy comfort we shared with each other is different now...it's a work in progress and always filled with surprises.
I've changed due to necessity. The many hours we talked, shared no longer exist. His voice has faded and I simply cannot understand 95% of what he says which saddens me. There are things he would like to discuss but I find it frustrating/impossible to respond since I have no clues.
I had a struggle with patience but I've won the battle and find it is working well. I listen...you know how I love to talk, yes? Ha, I actually listen to lots of people now...how about that? Progress...progress. Change is difficult; Michael J Fox said after being diagnosed with PD that he liked his old life...why did he have to change? I agree, I liked our old life and I'm fairly sure Michael liked it. But we didn't and don[t have a say in this...and why did it happen to us? I guarantee you I would not wish this on anyone else. God has equipped us, equipped me to handle this gracefully and lovingly. I pray He is pleased at my conduct. I admit to being terribly selfish and careless at times. I do, I just do. I'm always sorry because my conscience bites me and I can't ignore it. I tearfully beg forgiveness. Looking back I see I've changed, good thing.
"The first thing I do every day when I wake up is thank God
for letting me make it through the night and giving me another day of life -
just because sometimes I wake up and I cannot believe I'm doing what I'm doing.
I just thank Him. I don't know how I deserve it, but it's completely because of Him."
Lauren Alaina
Lauren Alaina
From my loving heart...directly to yours,Vasca
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