WONDER DRUG...

"A strong positive mental attitude will

create more miracles than any wonder drug."

Patricia Neal

Somehow I feel life with Michael and me has been in a holding pattern for several months; honestly it's been like that for more than a year.  It's been a waiting game.  

I'm writing about a struggle that had taken place in our lives; a silent struggle that was extremely difficult...hard on both of us...hard to say which one suffered the most.  

Michael always said that he and I thought completely different and I certainly second that...we did not think in the same channels.  I suppose he was more 'structured' while I  romanticized and put a glow on everything.  I recall him telling someone that I showed him the beautiful things in life that he tended overlooking.  He was very practical.

While our thinking, our rationale was so opposite we pulled everything together in agreement and life always seemed to go on quite nicely.

The difficulties arose when he decided he needed to give some things up...because?

He knew he had lost all confidence in himself and trying to do anything publicly put him in a state of panic.  He could no longer concentrate, remember, etc.  He could never bear to do things anyway but top notch...the best.  So he 'retired' from everything.  

The Amyloidosis that had stricken him in 2010 became localized and was no longer a threat to his life...such a gift from God.  Wouldn't you know it?  Something else jumped into his life uninvited and began gnawing at him in a most insidious manner...Parkinson's.  

I thought we were fortunate it didn't strike until he was about 82 so it shouldn't be so hard on him.  Well, it really wasn't terribly bad on his physical body but it took hold in his mind.  That can be very dangerous.  Very.  

Depression comes into play among other things, such as these few: delusions...hallucinations...fears...distrust...all sorts of mental anguish and it played havoc with Michael.  There isn't enough space to describe its' effects.

I think what bothered me most was his constant insistence that God wanted us to 'do something'...something beneficial.  I felt that I was being used because I continued writing encouraging articles and communicating positive thinking to as many people as possible.  He said that was a good thing foe me but what about him, he was concerned about what was he to do?

Everything I suggested was rejected.  If he could have come up w/something himself it would have made it acceptable and pleased him...but he couldn't.

So, here we are...months later and he is in a Memory Care.

I had prayed incessantly to God to please, please show Michael...give him something to do that would help him feel needed, used and fulfilled.  

Eureka.  He's been there 21 days.  The staff tells me M preaches every day on the fourth floor...every day.  I said that was pretty good; they laughed and said it was as long as the patients weren't asleep.  I know he walks around w/his Bible and he's wearing the cross the Greek's gave him...never takes it off.  He sees himself as a servant and he's trying to serve.

I believe God has given him a charge and he's going to keep it.  Possessed?  It doesn't matter...he has a purpose and he's using it to spread God's love and word.  He is trying to help people who need help...and he's one of them.  

Albert Einstein said:  "There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

                                                       The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Michael is winding down his life ~ I believe it's with a miracle.  Who would've thought it?

This giant of a man has done wonderful things for His Heavenly Father wherever he has gone...and he did it well.  He did not feel  he was finished and for sure he did not want to sit and do nothing...he wanted to continue to serve. 

Well, he's busy as a bee...doing all he can to be a light for the people on the fourth floor of Memory Care.  Some of them have no idea of anything; who's to know what registers in their confused minds and conditions?  God knows and He's the one who counts.  M may be confused too...but he has a good purpose.  

What about me...the one who things differently than Michael?  Well, here's what I think...like Aubrey Hepburn... 

"I believe in pink.

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.

I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.

I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.

I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls.

I believe tomorrow is another day. 

And I believe in miracles."

I love pink...a favorite color...

I believe in laughing...

I believe in kissing and oh, I kiss a lot...on Michael, you understand...

I believe in being strong...when things go wrong...recently that's our norm...

I believe in being happy...

I believe tomorrow really is another day and

I believe in miracles...absolutely. .

I pleaded and begged God for one for Michael and God graciously has given it.  Oh, God...I thank you with all my heart that you have given my precious, great man something to do for you.  How wonderful You are.  Thank you, thank you.  In Your Son's Name I pray, Amen.  Thank You! 

From my grateful, happy heart...to yours,

Vasca